Old vs New

I truly experienced mixed feelings today-there was a wistful tug of the old and at the same there was a pull of the new that just wouldn't be ignored for a second. Years (a little more that a decade) ago during Dusshera I used to go to watch a firecrackers display at a temple on the outskirts of Hyderabad. I distinctly remember the old temple with a huge 'ratham' shelter at the entrance. A sort of fair used to be held in the grounds around the temple. For as far as the horizon went I don't remember seeing any other construction. In these deserted barren fields we used to sit and enjoy the fire works. For a good half an hour the sky would turn red, green, pink, gold, silver and the sparkles would rain down on us. Once, I remember, we were a little late so we could see the display from a distance. It was a beautiful sight. Those were the days before the 'akash mela' type crackers were sold in shops during Deepawali. Besides, sitting right under the lit up sky in a barren field is a totally different feeling from watching it from the terrace in the midst of the concrete jungle.

Yesterday I went for a drive towards Gachibowli - financial district. I had been to this place a yr and a half ago and was totally mesmerized by it. The buildings were amazing then. I have never been able to put into words what I really feel when I see an imposing modern construction. The DB building in Berlin, the arch in Paris, La Tour Eiffel... So many wonderful constructions. I have a special love for constructions that are all glass, metal and wood. So, yesterday I saw the ICICI building and... hhhuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Isn't civil engineering freaking awesome???!!!

Coming back to the topic, on the way to the financial district I some how remembered that old temple and told my friends about it. Today I went for a drive to the same place with my family. On the way I asked my dad about that temple. He took me there... and it was right there... right next to the financial district!!! One moment I was ogling at the ICICI building and the next moment I was horrified to find the empty ground gone, the now shabby looking temple smothered between buildings with a road right next to it. For a while all I could think was "how could this be? It can't be the same temple... Its not right!"

Then it struck me... all our wonderful big strides towards progress, towards the beautiful wonderful future, are trampling over many such invaluable memories. True, we should move forward, but I have a strong suspicion that we are going about this the wrong way. There is some thing really wrong with how we look at modernization. There is a huge element of randomness/chaos in our plans for the tomorrow. How can it be right when everything old is ignored without a second thought and all thats new is the only right thing? How can we step into the future without the watchful presence of the past? The problem with our rich old heritage is that, for whatever reason that suited the people of the eras gone by, most of it doesn't have an explanation. It has been converted into a superstition you either believe or not. The sound reason behind was not passed on through the generations and this has prevented us from having the power to mold it to present practicality.

I hate traditions, I really do! Not many people can really explain to me WHY the hell we ought to follow them. My first reaction to anything someone says "we OUGHT to do" is "why?" I really want to know the science behind it but I know my tone suggests irritation, but I do want to understand it and try it to make it appropriate for the present. I don't want to leave our past behind. There is so much beauty in it. It runs too deep in our blood to be able to renounce it altogether. But isn't adapting our heritage to the present times the only way to walk into the future with the best of the past in our hearts?

My fascinasssiiioonnnnn

My fascination with Civil Engineering began on 8th Feb 2003 - 6 years ago today, or was it that walk in KBR Park-wayyyy back when in school-when dad explained to me how dams function and how hydroelectric power is generated? Anyway, when I first came to know what Pre-stressed concrete was all about and got to see girder casting at various stages, the whole concept of manipulating materials to get higher and higher load bearing capacity structures blew me away. Way back in 10th class when I wanted to be a doctor and was completellyyyy fascinated by the whole I-can-help-save-another-person's-LIFE seemed to be the most noble thing in the world, I remember asking my mom what is that noble about civil engineering anyway it is just roads and buildings it isn't so vital. Ignorant little sneha!!! Mom replied that the roads we built helped people get medical help, help farmers transfer their produce in time etc etc... I got the point, but was never completely convinced. Some time later I did decided to do engineering anyway since I "couldn't study sooooo much!!!"

I joined civil engineering anyway 'coz I fell in love with it and besides, as I did rationale much later, I disliked coding and working on a comp for hours, anything microscopic didn't really get processed in my head, everything had to be macro, and I didn't like mechanics as much... I pretty much had no choice. Well all that reasoning came much after I joined civil engineering. though I still don't understand how I thought I'd be a civil engineering without liking mechanics.

Once in Civil Engineering every subject I learnt (after the 1st year) made me realise how important it is in the society today. True computers might have made life easier and more comfortable... But almost every other comfort of a CIVIL-ized society comes from the drawing board of a civil engineer. Safe drinking water, water distribution, rain water drainage, water for irrigation, canals for irrigation, disposal of sewage, homes, schools, hospitals, offices, stadiums, theatres, roads, highways, expressways, bridges, airports, runways, sea ports, railways, dams, hydro electric power, power transmission towers, cell phone towers on and on... It actually blew me away how we are a part of everything that goes on in the world today. From water for crops to eat and water to drink and then safely disposing the waste created, hi-fi places to live in to smooth roads for your sports cars to zip by, electricity for your computers to work and cell phones to cover your network where ever you go... Be it essentials or luxury... ever at your service!!!

What one doesn't see is that behind all the hi-funda glossy stuff is the dusty yellow capped site engineer or an engineer back in the office turning over a million ideas in his head and making sure you get the highest priority of safty! Though all this hit me in under-grad and I went around feeling I was in a pretty much noble profession after all. Wondering how many people my designs would touch some day...!!! It took my grad class of High Speed Rail Engineering at UIUC and ONE map to make me realise what Civil Engineering is all about...

When high speed rail ~ 300Kmph can make one whole country seem like one big city... Just imagine!!! Just imagine what it does to your country's economy. You could be living any were and working any where. Your cities don't get cluttered up any more and your population is more distributed. Imagine what you could do with more living space per person! That helps you provide better basic amenities to everyone. Need and demand will not be limited by distance any more. You wouldn't have to migrate in order to survive. The wealth will also start trickling down to the grass roots. Well that's just my obsession with High Speed Rail now... But that is the same with any good transportation system - your local trains, subways, busses or even airplanes!!!

Then, there is my earthquake engineering class. Prof Elnashai keeps quoting in class that it is a science dealing with forces we don't completely understand, about effects we can't really predict, in a way the client doesn't know. He also says that after going through the earthquake characteristics we would get absolutely demoralised as to what can we really do about it?! True... totallly true!!! But we do go ahead anyway... To try and understand to make it a little better. How amazing that we are actually attempting to put up a fight with the forces of Nature!!! Woah... but hey... we have to do it! 'Coz quoting Prof Elnashai again 'when you have the whole crust and decide to build on a fault you deserve what you get' but we can't be that heartless now can we? We build your world after all!!!

as 'Random' as 'Musing' can ever get!!!

Every one is not the same… One of the easiest assumptions in life is that if I am like this then how can the rest of the world not be the same. If I feel so much pain over something everyone also must feel the same in the same situation. It is when they fail to react the same way that most of the hurts, fights, tears spring up. It is the most difficult thing in the world to place ourselves in another person’s shoes. I wonder if it can ever be done. Each of us is an end product of different water cement ratios with our own unique combination of admixtures; compacted to a different degree and placed in our own mould. How can we ever transcend all these differences and understand why a person behaves such and such???

So, did Hitler never feel guilty for all the atrocities that have been committed because of him??? May be the wonderful thing called conscience was never in his recipe at all. So he probably never thought of it that way. Like Alfred says in the Dark Knight “Some men just like to see the world burn”. The world around us offers us so many choices. So many paths we can take. I believe destiny has our own picked out way ahead of us… we get there some time in life. It is only the longer or shorter path that is in our hands. Well may be we also have this emergency button of totally shipwrecking our future also within reach. So, how much of who we are meant to be is really in our hands? If the right ingredients are left out then even the best of opportunities may not help us make the right future.

The only way to understand the present is to know the past. This was one theory I picked up from my uncle (Ravindranath Kola) when he told me that caste was kind of important even today because it gives us a broad idea of how people of a certain caste tend to behave in a certain way. So knowing what a person has been through explains his attitude and thinking at the present moment more then anything else. But then I am caught between thinking if their past excuses them for the present or is it a “so what? They should learn to get over it!” situation. I tend to lean over the former most of the time… unless I am too angry and then I wonder why they shouldn’t get over it. Then, when I mellow down I tend to think ‘well, not every one has the fire to get over big obstacles in life.’

Getting over our shortcomings is a difficult task. It is the task of life time I think. Though it seems that getting to know our shortcomings is the major hurdle I think it is mustering enough determination and courage to actually begin to change your own self. It is those rare individuals that do that that enter the historical records of great people admired and slightly envied by the rest of us common folk. I know I have contradicted my own statement many times… but then again there isn’t a universal right or wrong is there. It is all a matter of perspective… and each situation calls for its own set of rules to play with.

Fairytales or Reality???!!!

Cinderella and her magic pumpkin, jack and the beanstalk, Ugly duckling's transformation, Snow-white's seven dwarfs... The happily ever after stories... Every kid all over the world is fed with the same - with a nice helping of their local flavour. Girls are expected to sigh and wait for their prince to come... sing songs till he does... play with birds and animals... look at flowers... and dream away... or sit piteously in the dungeon locked up by the evil step mom till prince charming comes along. Those girls hardly ever do anything else... (Which is why I love Disney's Mulan best of all... she wants to do something... goes and fights for her beliefs instead of waiting for some guy to come along singing a ballad!) The prince charming will come along in his own sweet time... Love at first sights...then comes fighting the evil (what ever form it takes). Sweep the princess off her feet... and happily ever after. For unfortunate people ugly or poor... magic is right around the corner to bless them with a happily ever after for being ever so good! So being good is rewarded and Bad people are punished... That is what kindergarten and most of school life ever teaches you.

As I grew older my fairy tales changed... they became schoolgirls at boarding school with strong wonderful friendships to add beauty to life. Then came the girls in Montgomery’s tales... girls with strong minds who make wonderful nests at home and where family and friends dominate everything in the world. Where it is good good good all around... Even Austen and Alcott don't venture any where near reality. The most they say is how ever bad things get... it will always always get better. Ups and downs are part of life. But there is always a silver lining to every black cloud. Even Harry always fights the evil and there is the hope of a better tomorrow. The worst in life glossed over by strong friendships and love. LOTR I feel comes close... Because by feeling the knife in his body, Frodo shows that every experience of life marks you forever. You are never the same again.

Though they all teach that there is something to learn from every experience, they forget to add a footnote to say that you also leave something behind. You shall not pass through life without being branded by every low and every high and the in betweens... This is what you have to learn for yourself. Fine I know books and movies and stories are for entertainment only... There are biographies to read if you want to know the reality in life. But by the time you get old enough to read them and digest it you are thrown on to the highway of life. Nothing is fair, not everything is good and nice. Evil doesn't always loose. There are no rewards for being good apart from a peaceful night's sleep... but at the same time I doubt if evil is punished with sleeplessness because they don’t know they are the evil ones, so they most often get away with it all. They are the ones who get everything in the world and have great lives. I refuse to accept that they have down moments - they might get lonely, they 'ought' to be guilty, they 'ought' to be awake always with a prickly conscience. BUT... they don’t know the good things in life so they don’t miss them anyway. My mom still says they will get the worst of it. BUT I think otherwise... I sometimes envy those people who get away with everything... BUT I have never wanted to be them. I am happy with what I am... COZ whatever it is... it is all ME!

It is time to stop living in dreams and fairy tales... the only dreams in life worth dreaming - says the world today - is to get ahead, get successful, grow, aim for heights... Move over enlightenment, fine arts, love for nature, the need to help around... Get successful and be something in this world to do all that. Prove that you can get it all before you scoff at it. There is no place for just being nice good and happy and living life enjoying the ride... Push the ride... test its limits... get into the stream and keep running. Never ever pause for a second and think what is happening. You haven't got time for such things anymore. Life is cruel and life is harsh - Yup Ayn Rand you might be the only one who got it right... without glossing it over with metaphors. No one promised you a happy safe ride where everything is the way you wanted it to be... but stop dishing out stories that make you discontent in life. Stop the Alchemist who says that if you want something really bad... the whole world contrives to help you get it. Shake Richard Bach and tell him that reality is not what you imagine... not everything in your life is there 'coz you got it there. That is not how it works... LIFE IS... you just have to make the most of it. Don't ever expect to get off unchanged when the ride is over... Just hope you will be able to recognise yourself when you look down at yourself when you have to leave...

Patriotism the Bollywood way...

Patriotism and Hindi motion pictures have always gone hand in hand. We all heard of the days when the national anthem was played at the end of every movie. Every year there is at least one movie that keeps the patriotic spirit in us alive. From the black n white chronicles of the freedom struggle to the hep ultra modern youth transforming into freedom struggle revolutionaries… the movies have always kept up with the changing times and have pricked the patriotic conscience in us – if only for the 3 hrs that we are utterly alone in a dark hall full of people, who are experiencing the same. I wonder why the spirit dies down once the curtains are drawn and the lights are switched on, and we find ourselves once again a part of a crowd.

The legend of Bhagat Singh (one of the half a dozen similar chronicles to hit the silver screen at once) made Bhagat the unsung hero of the freedom struggle. Bhagat dreams of an India where “har dharam, har mazhab, har zyaat ke log ek hi aasmaan ke neechein suraksha ki neend so sakein. Aur wahi hoga sahi maine mein azaad Bharat. Sunehara Bharat… Hamara Bharat.” Rang De Basanti - a better box office hit, also a favourite among all the youth of today is more about caring for the country. It reinvented the spirit of the freedom struggle and made us feel that there was a Bhagat Singh hidden inside each of us. Lage raho Munna Bhai – another re-invention… this time the father of our nation went live on the FM. Taking up his principles and blending them with the mood of the our times - “Gandhigiri” became the new age mantra for non-violence. Chak de India – also patriotic in its own way… captured the spirit of patriotism that sports are always associated with them; reviving India’s interest in its national game. Lagaan – cricket and patriotism… the perfect mix! In Swades Mohan Bhargava gives up a dream job in the dream land, to work for the betterment of the home land… Swades deals with the new age patriotism. It gives a kind of solution to what can be done now. Halla Bol – another patriotic movie, which talks about integrity and standing up for what’s right; about taking responsibility to change the system that has gone wrong. Yuva another movie of the same kind, but the solution is different – urging the intelligentia to become a part of the political system.

Cinema is a very powerful medium in our country. It evokes passion in our country like nothing else (except cricket) does. But my question is why do we wait for a movie to come and tell us what is right and what ought to be done? And why is the effect so short lived? Every national holiday we sit and spend a short while wondering about patriotism – again thanks to the media which keeps flashing it up at our conscience. Shouldn’t patriotism be something more deep routed and permanent? Something that we should be proud of wearing up our sleeve? and not something that opens our eyes in dark theatres…There are a million ways to show our love for the nation. The simplest thing is to feel that it is yours. It is your very own wonderful beautiful nation… MY India, YOUR India, OUR India. It is your home. Take care of it as you would your own dwelling. Keep it clean, keep things in order, follow the law – they are just a small courtesy towards your neighbours sharing the same dwelling; help one another; raise your voice against injustice; take responsibility for changing what’s wrong. Take responsibility – ‘coz if you won’t do it who will? It is up to each and every one of us to keep our India shining. If it doesn’t – the fault lies within each one of us…

Take responsibility. “koi desh perfect nahi hota. Use perfect banana padta hai” n “… zimmedaari uthao use badal ne ki”. You can make a difference – for a better tomorrow – for you and for every one else on this beautiful piece of earth we call home – India.

Anosmia...

The 5 senses... Sight, Sound, Touch, Smell and Taste... I never realised how much a part of life they really are untill I lost one of them... ANOSMIA... One the funniest problem to be suffering from. A depressing but none the less funny one...

I can't smell... "not at all??? not even a leetle bit??? are you serious???" - ya, ya, ya... I am serious!!! I dont recall ever reading a story or watching a movie in which some one looses their sense of smell, not even in a comic!!! Now that I think of it... Are there people who cant taste??? Have to check that up. ANOSMIA - now thats a word that doesnt come up on the GRE wordlists...

I was reading a book today in which the author was describing a place and was talking about the smell of rotting pages of old books. Then I began to wonder how incomplete the description of any place is without describing the fragnances or odours. It was only recently that it hit me that I travelled across europe without any idea of what it smells like! I have been living for the last 8 months with anosmic memories. All my memories of the last 8 months (for sure... I donno when I really lost the sensation of smell actuallyyy) dont have any smell associated with them.

To be sure it is a very convenient problem to have sometimes... I can live aparently any where on earth - as someone pointed it out to me yesterday. I walk across anywhere without holding my breath or crinking up my nose. But... when you are actually making biryani and someone else comes in from another room to tell you that the aroma is great!!! Its not that great feeling - trust me! 

I remember many of the smells... people ask me how??? (rather laugh at that tooo :P) but I do remember some of my most favourite smells... and not so favourite ones too! I figured that I probably could eat papaya now that I cant smell it, but then I realised that I can still recollect the smell... :) so memory is still intact!!! 

My doc says he cant figure out why I lost the sensation of smell... I should get it back some day just like that. Another doc says I should keep checking for smell (huh???!!!). Most of my friends go into peals of laughter when ever they remember it... and if I am in a mood to laugh too, I join in - in thinkin up all the things that i can do now without any problem. But then again... I know I am missing out on something very important in life... I wish i could get it back... But I have quite given up on it!!!

je pense... along the godavari

There is something about getting lost in the folds of the inner realms of Mother Nature. Its something that can never be fully appreciated unless felt, touched, seen, smelt in person. The reality is sometimes coarser than in pictures and paintings but is a beauty by itself... "The strength of the hills" really means a lot. Hills - synonymous with long lasting constancy in the world where everything fades with time. Hills - covered with unexplored, naked, natural beauty... The intrusion of man into these areas seems unfair. But then again how fair is it to deprive man of the real original beauty of the world??? Perhaps the old way of exploring.... a small group of people on a wild, adventurous expedition... is the best!!!

Only those who really value what they are about to explore will brave it all. In today's world of commercialization where relaxation is offered on a platter full of holiday postcards, one comes to see something they hardly know how to appreciate. The "oooohhhh.... aaahhhh" at the right places, often missing the finest detail of all, or come to see the most hot spot of the season to be in the flow of things. Looking out for something long after it passed by unnoticed. 

We hardly treat nature with the respect it deserves. With sheer impunity we walk away with all our reckless actions. But wait... everything is being noticed... every paper plate dumped on the river, every plastic cover caught on a branch after a flood, every vibration of the stones due to the blaring music on the launches... everything!!! It will all come back a thousand nay million fold!!! Then we sit and lament about the cruelty of nature and curse all the Gods there are, then again immediately rush back to appease them.

Nothing about nature is ever sharp or angular. Everything is rounded & curved. So it is with all the constructions of old. Any attempts to reconstruct or repair lack that smooth, soft, rounded feel. Its wonderful how the utter lack of symmetry creates the ultimate wonders of nature. There is no organisation... everything is random... but oh so beautifully random. There in lies its charm... the uniqueness in everything. Nothing man made can ever achieve that distinction. Even with all our sophisticated planning we can never reach that level of imperfection!!!

Man is lost in the struggle for survival everywhere and in all ages. But it is different out here... With no technology, no development, and no traces of modern living - one looks at awe at the life here. Why is the presence of technology so important? Since when did it become a prerequisite for proper living? It has become sub-conscious thinking to regard lack of technology as 'primitive'. The outward so called norms of society if violated are only met with pity, disdain and contempt. Whom do we have to satisfy and why??? Who fixed these rules, who decides the ultimate good and bad for the world???

What about natural instincts, inner feelings, quiet joys & happiness??? What about satisfying the soul and having a nice quiet smile??? Where have all the relationships gone that are filled with love, trust & understanding??? Why should every relationship be worked on??? It is not like the days of yore didn’t have their own set of problems... We have tried to work on those problems but have lost somethings that they had. Some things that shouldn’t have been forgotten have been left behind. Can’t we hold onto the past on our march into the future???

But that again must be what evolution is all about... the wheel of time has to keep moving. It doesn’t stop for anyone. But, some times I think that we are only getting poorer with the passage of time survival of the fittest is the name of the game, but who ever said that the fittest was the best???